Estúpido Diario

Yo no creo que sea exactamente codependiente, porque realmente no me vuelven loca los problemas de los demás. El hecho es que sí reconozco que prefiero pensar en ellos que pensar en los míos, y sé que tengo problemas para ver por mí misma. Pero es más otro tipo de complejo, en el que me gusta facilitarme las cosas, resultando en que “ser útil” es una excusa razonable para no “ser lo que quiero ser” (temporalmente). Eso tuvo sentido tanto sentido *sarcasmo*.

Y claro, lo veo también como una clase de incluído en mi personalidad de Número Dos.

(Mi obsesión conmigo misma es más preocupante que esto, en definitiva.)

De todos modos, hice montones de pruebas sobre este tema. Resalto las características que me parece que describen mi comportamiento.

Patrones según CoDA

PATRONES DE NEGACIÓN:

• Tengo dificultad para identificar lo que siento.
• Minimizo, modifico o niego lo que siento realmente.
• Me percibo como una persona totalmente desinteresada y dedicada al bienestar de los demás.

PATRONES DE BAJA AUTOESTIMA:

• Tengo dificultad para tomar decisiones.
• Juzgo duramente todo lo que pienso, digo o hago, como algo que no es “lo suficientemente bueno”.
• Me siento avergonzado al recibir reconocimiento, elogios o regalos.
• No le pido a los demás que satisfagan mis necesidades o deseos.
• Valoro más la aprobación que me dan los demás por mi comportamiento, ideas y sentimientos que la que me doy yo mismo.
• No me percibo como una persona valiosa o digna de recibir amor.

PATRONES DE CONFORMIDAD:

• Actúo en contra de mis valores e integridad para evitar el enojo o el rechazo de otras personas.
• Soy extremadamente sensible a los sentimientos de los demás y los incorporo como propios.
• Soy sumamente leal y permanezco en situaciones dañinas demasiado tiempo.
• Le doy más valor a las opiniones y los sentimientos de los demás que a los míos y frecuentemente temo expresar mis opiniones y sentimientos cuando difieren de los de los demás.
• Dejo a un lado mis propios intereses y pasatiempos para hacer lo que otros desean hacer.
• Acepto una relación sexual cuando lo que quiero es amor.

PATRONES DE CONTROL:

• Creo que la mayoría de la gente no es capaz de cuidarse a sí misma.
• Trato de convencer a los demás de lo que deben pensar o sentir.
• Me resiento cuando los demás no me dejan ayudarlos.
• Ofrezco consejos y orientación a los demás, sin que se me pida.
• Me desvivo por hacer regalos y favores a quienes quiero.
• Utilizo el sexo para ganar aprobación y aceptación.
• Tengo que sentir que “me necesitan” a fin de tener una relación con los demás.

Características

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The codependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship, to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of (actual) trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
  
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
  
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
  
• Poor communication
• Difficulty making decisions

Más patrones

Low Self Worth

• I feel like I’m different from other people.
• I don’t see myself as a lovable, worthwhile person.
• I’m uncomfortable when others compliment me or give me gifts.
• Criticism and disapproval easily hurt me.
• My desire to do things perfectly leads me to procrastinate.
• I feel lonely even when I’m with people.
• I frequently feel either less than or better than others.
• I feel empty, like I have a “hole” inside me.
• I frequently “beat myself up.”
• I often judge myself harshly; nothing I do is up to my expectations.
• I often compare how I feel about myself with the outward appearance of others.

Controlling Behaviors

• I have difficulty expressing certain kinds of feelings (grief, love, anger, fear).
• I judge people and things as right or wrong, good or bad.
• I let people know only what I think is “safe” for them to know about me.
• I have trouble having fun without drinking or getting “high” first.
• I have a hard time accepting my mistakes.
• I have difficulty asking for help.
• I have trouble balancing work and recreation.
• I like to “numb out” to relax (watch TV, sleep, eat, fantasize), often to my own disadvantage.
• I have a fear of being out of control.
• I sometimes rage in order to get my point across.
• My self worth increases when I solve other people’s problems.
• I become resentful when others do not take my advice or will not let me help them.

Pleasing Behaviors

• I compromise my own values and integrity in order to be accepted by others.
• I feel guilty when I say “no.”
• Often I have sex when I don’t really want to.
• I volunteer to do things I really don’t want to do.
• I spend a lot of time pretending things are “fine.”
• I believe that doing things to care for or please myself is selfish.
• I put other people’s needs before my own.
• I usually do what my friends/partner want, rather than what I want to do.
• I rarely let people know when I’m angry.
• I won’t say how I really feel, because I’m concerned about how others may react.

Relationship Issues

• I believe in love at first sight.
• I find people that are nice to me seem boring.
• I believe that if I can get my partner to change, my problems would be solved.
• I can’t feel good about myself when my relationship isn’t going well.
• I accept sex when I really want love.
• I feel that I’m incomplete when I’m not in a relationship.
• I believe that other people can make me feel angry, happy, sad, etc.
• I want to have good relationships, but they never seem to work out.
• I have trouble being alone without keeping busy.
• I feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
• I have trouble getting close to or trusting  people.
• I often feel anger that is out of proportion to what is happening.

Cuestionario

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid trouble? Sí.
   
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you? Sí.
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own? A veces.
   
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home? Sí.
   
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends? Sí.
   
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be? Sí.
   
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others? Sí.
   
10. Have you ever felt inadequate? Sí.
    
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake? Sí.
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done? Sí.
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? Sí.
    
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life? Sí.
    
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help? Sí.
    
19. Do you have trouble asking for help? Sí.
    
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them? Sí.

Creo que este es un complejo un tantito espeluznante, porque la persona en cuestión podría ser vista como alguien “bueno y cariñoso” pero a final de cuentas no es más que alguien que busca martirizarse a sí mismo para conseguir sentirse valioso y no le importa si tiene que ser manipulador y controlador.

This entry was posted on Miércoles, Mayo 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am and is filed under Psyche. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.